He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
