Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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