8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
