allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
