I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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