Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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