On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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