I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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