I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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