If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
