I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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