Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
