You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
