some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
