u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
