i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
