dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
