dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
