i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
