so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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