So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
