Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
