our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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