yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
