My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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