Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
