i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
