so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
false alarm. still invincible.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
