I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
