Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
