Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
