You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
