Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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