if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
