Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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