i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
