My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
