Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
