he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
