well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
