I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
