and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
