Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
MIDGETS
????
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
