she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
