it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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