I CAN MOONWALK!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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