Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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