You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
