He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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