Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
