I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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