dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
