I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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